Alone with Crossing Over...

Again, i found myself alone in the house on a Sunday afternoon. I felt too lazy to go somewhere else so i decided to scrounge some DVDs from Wesa's stock.

I found this movie, Crossing Over, starring Harrison Ford as an immigration agent running after Mexican illegal immigrants.

The film deals with the border, document fraud, the asylum and green card process, work-site enforcement, naturalization, the office of counter terrorism and the clash of cultures.
from: Wikipedia

The movie highlights the lives of different nationalities struggling to get the much-coveted US green card.

There's the Mexican woman named Meriya (Alice Braga), who entered the US illegally with his young son.

Two Australian sweethearts with diverse interest of wanting to stay in the US. The guy (Jim Sturgess) was attempting to pass himself off as young rabbi. His Jewish friends taught him Hebrew prayers that he may use during the interview. He also involved his Mom in Australia to get "some papers" showing he got a Bar Mitzvah and went to Hebrew synagogue.

The girl (Alice Eve) was an aspiring actress and tried a shortcut by getting in bed with an immigration application adjudicator (Ray Liotta), whose wife (Ashley Judd) happens to be an immigration lawyer (pro-bono).

A Bangladeshi girl born in the US but her family is yet to get green cards who got enamored with Islamic extremism and caught the attention of Homeland security after she defended the 9/11 attackers in a class presentation.

A Korean boy and his family on the verged of getting naturalized but got involved with robbery turned bloody after his cohorts killed the Korean owner,

An Iranian-born immigration agent (Cliff Curtis, Ford's partner) belonging to an ultra- conservative family. His rebellious and liberal sister (Melody Khazae) was a considered a dishonor to their family and was killed by another brother (Merik Tadros) in a "family honor" killing. In the movie version, this "honor killing" was omitted. But in the DVD i saw, it was restored.

The climax of the movie was when the Iranian girl was killed by the younger brother , but it was Curtis that Ford suspected as the one who did it.

Distraught, Curtis went to a Korean store, and while inside, a group of hooded Korean youths stormed the store for a robbery. Along the way, the owner was shot and killed. Curtis engaged the youth in a gunbattle and killed all of them, except one young Korean (Justin Chon) who was about to be naturalized the next day. Curtis spared him his life and told him to go.

Ford receive a call from an immigration patrol who found the body of Meriya abandoned in the border. He went to Mexico to personally break the news of Meriya's death.

The Bangladeshi girl (Jaysha Patel) was deemed a future threat and was deported by Homeland security.

The Australian girl was arrested by immigration agents for having gotten his green card a bit too fast.

The Australian guy got a help from an old rabbi during the immigration interview, and eventually got his green card -- and a Jewish girlfriend.

Here's a review from John Hartl of Seattletimes.com:

The writer-director, Wayne Kramer, earned some fans for his 2003 sleeper, "The Cooler," which earned an Oscar nomination for Alec Baldwin. He's certainly good with actors, but he tends to push the big tear-jerker moments.

Kramer is also fond of swooping aerial shots that emphasize the boxy buildings and detention centers that litter the California landscape and trap his characters. He seems to be saying that they can't win in this environment, whether they're as world-weary as Brogan or as cynical as the actress who all but volunteers to prostitute herself.

But (spoiler alert) the movie does hold out some hope for people who luck out and/or won't let the system drag them down. As a result, the doom-laden visual scheme begins to seem inappropriate and a tad pretentious.

Next: DVD - The Red Cliff

Mga Bisaya nga Jokes

Mga binisaya nga jokes akong napunitan sa Internet. Wa baya ko nanngangkon ani ha. Para ni sa tanan.

katawa sad diha.
---------

Sa Pare

Bisaya1: nindonta sa awto, siguro sa mayor na.
Bisaya2: dili bay sa hepe siguro na.
Bisaya3: tonto jud mo! kang father na, tan-awa gisulat na gani sa likod o! SAFARI!!!
---------
Apelyido . . .

Pari: Unsa gani imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Imo baya nang hagkan kada adlaw father.
Pari: Ha! bisong imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Sus maryosep! Cruz father oy..
---------
Pilay anak

Nurse: pila imo anak nang?
Patient: 15 kabuok mam.
Nurse: sus, ginoo daghana gud! wa ka mogamit ug pills, condom ug uban pa jud?
Patient: krus my heart, wa koy lain gigamit Oh ten ra jud!…
---------
PANGIT

Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, guwapo ba ko?
Andoy: Pangit ka ug nawong, Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsa’y pangit?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, pangitaon kaayo ba!!!
---------
AMERIKANA

Juan: Bay Pedro, pananglitan kung ikaw ug usa ka amerikana nasaag sa lasang. Unya diha’y mga igorot nga nagukod ninyo. Sa daplin sa sapa, nakakita ka ug sakayan. Pero, usa ra ka pasahero ang masulod aning sakayana..

Unsa ma’y buhaton nimo?

Pedro: Aw, biyaan na lang nakong amerikana, Bay. Bahala na’g unsa kagwapa nang Amerikanaha na. Luwason nako akong kaugalingon. Ikaw, Bay unsa may buhaton nimo?

Juan: Bugo ka man diay, Bay. Akong isul-ob ang amerikana una ko mosakay sa sakayan.
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LAYO ANG MANILA

Bata: Tay, hai may mas layo?ang buwan o ang Manila?
Amahan: Layo ang Manila, Dong.
Bata: Layo ang buwan, Tay, uy.
Amahan: Kung layo pa ang buwan, nganong makakita ka man sa buwan? Unya kita ka sa Manila?
---------
WALAY SALA

Inahan: Mangumpisal ta rong Dominggo ha aron pasayloon ta sa Ginoo sa atong mga sala.

Anak: Nay, unsa may buot ipasabot anang bata nga makasala.

Inahan: Panaglitan, kung ang bata dili motahod sa ginikanan, mao na’y bata nga makasala.

Anak: Wala ko’y sala, Nay, kay nitahod man ko sa sugo ni Tatay sa pagpangawat og manok sa atong silingan.
---------
BAYOT

Amahan: Wala ka’y uwaw nga pagka-anak. Nakit-an ka sa atong silingan nga nisulod ug gay bar. Bayot ka! Bayot

ka! Imong gipakaulawan ang atong pamilya. Maayo pa’y molayas ka aron dili ako makonsomisyon nga ako duna’y anak nga bayot!

Anak: Saba diha, Tay, uy. Mora sag dili ka bayot!!!
---------

Muslim: Palit naka mo sa perfume nga snow white and seven dwarfs, humot kaayo.
Kustomer: Pre! baho man lagi ning usa ka garapa,
Muslim: Ooooy! namatay man god ang usa ka dwarf.

Muslim: Palit na kamo sa sing-sing nga pure gold, bisan pag itunlob sa suka dili gyod molobad.
Kustomer: Ha ba diha ka pre, ming lubad man lagi ning sing-sing human ug tunlog sa suka.
Muslim: Tungod kay dili man god pure ang suka.
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Insik, Kano ug Pinoy

Intsik - “sa amo sa Tsina, usa ka sakong harina isulod sa dakong pugon, pagula dagkong pan ug kuwarta na”

Amerikano - “sa amo sa Amerika, usa ka dakong baka isulod sa dakong makinarya, pagula ang bukog butones na, ug ang unod de lata na”

Pinoy - “sa amo sa Pinas, pagsulod soreso, pagula tawo”
---
Barberong Pinoy

Usa ka barberong Pinoy nga bag-ong salta sa Amireyka dili pa kaayo maka mao nga mo-iningles. Human niyag alot sa kustomer nga nakatulog, nakalimot siya unsa-on sa pagingon ang nahuman na. Sa kalit nakahinumdom siya nga kon mahuman ang sine, sa katapusan sa pelilkula duna’y “The End”. Samtang nagba-id siya sa labaha iyang gipukaw ang Kanu ug miingon, “Joe, this is your the end.”
---------
Pinoy Paks Masin

Pinoy sakay sa eroplano para mag tour sa Europe may kaabay siya nga duha ka Asian, Hapon ug Insik. Sa ilang biyahe nagkaila silang tulo, naghisgot sila sa mga bag-ong teknolohiya nga gikan sa ilang nasod.

Matod pas Japon - “kining akong ball pen camera ni”,

Ingon sab ang Insik - “kini sab ako sing-sing alarm watch ni,

Sus, kay ang Pinoy na-atol man sab nga nagda-ut iyang tiyan ug nangutot ug may turbo sound pa gyod

[purrrrorrrrrot].

Nakurat Japon ug Insik ug nagdungan pag-ingon - “unsa man ron?”
Tubag pas Pinoy - “mao toy bag-ong teknolohiya nga bag-ong produkto sa Pilipinas ang paks masin na-a sa sulod sa human body.”
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Kinsay Da Bes Nga Mabana!

Upat ka dalagang Pinay nurses naghinambugay kon kinsay ilang pamanhon.
Nurse 1: Ako ang akong gustong mabana ENGINEER.
Nurse 2: Nganong ENGINEER man?
Nurse 1: Tungod kay ang ENGINEER, sige lang erect ug erect!
Nurse 2: Bitaw no!…. Ako ang akong gusto ACCOUNTANT.
Nurse 3: Nganong ACCOUNTANT man?
Nurse 2: Tungod kay ang ACCOUNTANT, sige lang enter ug enter!
Nurse 3: Mau ba?… Ako ang akong gusto nga mabana DOKTOR gyod.
Nurse 4: Ngano man bi, nga DOKTOR man gyod?
Nurse 3: Tungod kay ang DOKTOR, sige lang inject ug inject!
Nurse 4: Wow, puro man big shot ang inyong gusto. Ako, simple lang.
Nurse 1: Oh kinsa may imong pamanahon bi?
Nurse 4: Gusto kog kanang pure nga BISAYA.
Nurse 2: Ngano man?
Nurse 4: Tungod kay ang BISAYA, gahi ug DILA!
---------

Si Juan nag ampo nga taga-an og senina ni Hesus !! Sige siya og ampo nga tagaan sya og senina ni jesus. Way lain niyang ampo nga tagaan ra gyud sya og senina ni jesus.
Sa ikatolo ka adlaw nag ampo sa sad siya !!

Mitobag si jesus, "saba diha, juan. Nag tapis ra gani ko, mangayo ka na hinuon og senina".

------------------

Asawa 1 - akong bana Engineer, sus makalagot sigi lang erect ug erect.
Asawa 2 - akong bana Doctor, maglagot pod ko kay sigi lang inject ug inject.
Asawa 3 - akong bana Attorney, sus makalagot jud sa tanan kay sigi lang postpone ug postpone.

bana: gang, naka-save ko ug 6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong na-save

Doc: Ma'am, naa kay breast cancer.
Ma'am: ha? tinuod ka doc? dili man ko katuo sa imong gisulti! i'm healthy! naa pa ka second opinion?
Doc: Bati pa jud kag nawong!

ATTY: asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN: sa kamaisan
ATTY: nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN: nalibang!
ATTY: pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN: naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?…. Ayaw pagbugal-bugal 'torni uy!

babae: nong! sakay ko!
driver: cge! asa man ka?
babae: diha lang sa kanto! naay bayad ang bata?
driver: ay libre lang kay duol man.
babae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
driver: wala gihapon!
babae: cge nak! sabaka ko...

BF: ga, naa koy dago nga problema.
GF: ga, ayaw pag sulti ana oi. Ayaw ingna nga problema lang NIMO. Ingna nga problema NATO kay nag hinigugmaay man ta. Dawbi, unsa man ATONG problema?
BF: namabdosan NATO si inday ug KITA ang amahan..

Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!

AMO: inday gipatotoy na nimo ang bata?
Maid: Yes mam! gipatotoy na.
Amo: Ang sir nimo ningkaon na?
Maid: Naah! mam, dili man mukaon si sir, gipatotoy na lng pud nako.

BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA: Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon!
--
TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya dong.
PUPIL: Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?
---
Maestra: Kinsa ninyo ang gusto moadto sa langit? (Miisa sa kamot ang tanan gawas ni Pedro.)
Maestra: Pedro, di diay ka ganahan moadto sa langit?
Pedro: Pasayohon man god kog uli ni Nanay, Ma’am!
---
Maestra: Palihog barog kadtong mga bugo.
(Human sa usa ka minutos, mibarog si Juan.)
Maestra: Juan, midawat diay ka nga bugo ka?
Juan: Aw, gikuyogan ta lang ka Ma’am. Ikaw ra man gong usa ang gabarog.
---
Bungi: Sir, moaplay ko pagkasundalo.
Officer: Di ka puyde kay daghan kang ngipon nga nangapangag na.
Bungi: Ngano diay Sir, pinaakay na diay ang gubat ron?
----
Way labotay ug mama

Pari ug sakristan naghinambogay…

Sakristan: Unsa man, Dre… Abtik man gyod kaha ka sa tsiks, padaghanay ta. Inigsulod sa tsiks, motakla ta kon atong naiy***n.
Pari: Sige.

May misulod nga babaye. Mitakla ang sakristan, mitakla pod ang pari. Unya may lain na pod, mitakla ang pari,

mitakla pod ang sakristan. May hamtong nga babaye nga misulod. Mitakla ang pari, apan wa ka katakla ang sakristan.
Sakristan: Aaaa, way labotay ug mama Dre!
---
Mibagting hinuon ang tanan
Problema sa seminaryo ang balita nga dunay usa sa ilang mga seminarista ang nangabang og burikat sa Junquera.

Maong mihimog imbestigasyon ang kadagkoan. Ilang gisab-itan og kampanang gamay ang tintin sa matag parionon.

Dayon ilang gipasayaw-sayaw sa atubangan ang usa ka burikat nga naghubo.

May mibagting. Ila dayong gidakop ang maong parionon ug gipaadto sa atubangan. Aron kini maleksiyon, ilang gipahubo.

Mibagting ang tanan!
----
Kandila

Usa ka madre nagpatsek-ap sa klinika. Pero nasayop ang laboratoryo kay nailisan ang iyang ihi sa specimen sa babaye nga mabdos.
Doctor: Sister, ang resulta sa imong test miingon nga mabdos ka.
Madre: Doctor, makamabdos diay nang kandila?
----
Eksersays sa mga madre

Matag buntag mag-eksersays ang mga madre libot sa ilang compound. Ang paagi sa ilang pag-eksersays mao ang pagbisikleta. Apan kay lagi mga madre, ginadili alang kanila ang pagsaba.

Usa ka adlaw, nag-eksersays na sab ang mga madre kuyog ang ilang superyora. Nagbisikleta silang tanan. Pag-agi nila sa usa ka gamayng hump sa dalan, naniyagit ang mga madre, “Aaaaayyyyy!!!” ug nang-agik-ik. Napungot ang ilang madre superyora kay ginadili alang sa mga madre ang pagsaba-saba. Mibadlong siya, “Mga sisters, palihog ayaw kamo pagsaba kay makawala kana sa dignidad sa atong pagkamadre!” Ug nanghilom ang mga madre.

Nagpadayon silag tindak sa ilang mga bisikleta. Sa unahan, nakaagi na sab silag hump. Ang maong hump mas dako-dako kay sa ilang naagian ganina. Pag-agi nila sa hump naniyagit na sab ang mga madre, “Aaaaayyyy!!!” ug nang-agik-ik. Gipaningot silang tanan. Napungot na sab ang ilang madre superyora ug mibadlong, “Mga sisters, palihog intawon ayaw kamo pagsiyagit-siyagit kay mga madre kita! Abi pa lang unya mga mahilayon kitang mga madre!” Ug nanghilom ang mga madre.

Padayon gihapon ang mga madre sa ilang pag-eksersays. Pag-abot sa unahan, dihay dako gyod kaayo nga hump. Nakabantay ang madre superyora sa dako nga hump ug nahadlok nga basin maniyagit na sab ang iyang mga kaubang madre.

Busa, mibadlong siya daan sa iyang mga kauban, “Mga sisters, adunay dako kaayong hump sa unahan. Kon inig agi nato nianang hump maniyagit pa gani mo, ako na gyod nang pabutangan og lingkoranan ang inyong mga bisikleta.”

---
Kahibawo na ka?

Samtang naglakaw si Canuto sa Colon kuyog sa iyang pangasaw-onon, sa wa lang damha nakit-an siya sa iyang karaang uyab. Milingiw unta siya apan…

Bidat: Uy, Canuts, mosta?

Canuto: (Molikay unta apan, nahawiran sa iyang ex-gf). Awww, kuan diay ila-ila mo. Si Biday, akong pangasaw-onon.

Bidat: Pangasaw-onon? Unya kahibawo na siya… Nga adtong otso anyos na-diagnose ka nga dunay allergic rhinitis, gani miburot ang imong sip-on atubangan sa akong Papa… Nga human nato og gradwar sa hayskul na-diagnose ka nga duna kay overactive bladder, gani nakaihi ka atubangan sa atong silingang doktor. Nga sa dihang nagtrabaho na ka, na-diagnose na pod ka nga asthmatic, gani gitabang man ka kay naglisod ka og ginhawa atubangan sa inyong company surgeon. Nga duha ka semana human ta magsabot nga magminyo na ta, na-diagnose na pod ka nga hypertensive ka, gani mi-collapse ka man sa dihang mibisita ta sa klinika.

Biday: (Misagbat kay wa na makaantos) Kahibawo na man ko ana tanan, mao nga mas nagkinahanglan siya sa akong pag-atiman ug mas pa nako siyang gihigugma.

Bidat: Aw, mao ba? Pero kahibawo ka ba nga niadto tanang panahona, kon di pa lang unta siya talawan, natuli na unta siya?

Biday: (Misinta ang tingog) Ay nganong wa man ka magpahibawo nako pisota ka!

A Mighty Heart - OFW perspective

I saw the movie 'A Mighty Heart' about the account of Marianne Pearl regarding the kidnapping and killing of her journalist-husband Daniel Pearl in Pakistan.

I would say Angelina Jolie deserves whatever award she got for the role.

But hey, this is not a movie review.

What touch me in the movie is that within the first week that Daniel Pearl has been confirmed kidnapped, the French Embassy (Marriane is French) and American Embassy were all-out in their support to Marianne and in finding Daniel.

The American government provided high-level support also that made it possible for Pakistani police and security services to conduct their massive and effective operations to uncover the people behind Pearl's kidnapping. To think that Pearl is journalist (and a Jew) in a volatile Islamic country.

Now, fast forward.

If Pearl is Filipino, you can be sure that the government would only issue some trite press release about the kidnapping. And when it is over (as in the victim is killed), the government will most likely slap a ban on Pakistan for being a security risk country.

But did US and France put a ban on Pakistan for the incident? Nope. Not even a travel warning, which they casually release against travel to Southern Philippines...

And this is where it is sad to note about the state of government support that we OFWs get when one of us is in distressed. We surely heard about stories on how our own embassy staff or officials are pimping the female OFWs in distressed because their is no official budget for them.

And how emabssy officials tell ME OFWs not to rescue or provide relief to runaway/distressed OFWs so as not to violate the host country's law or offend the employers.

These days, OFWs in Middle East are occupied in their thoughts about the plight of 2 housemaids sentenced to death.

I believe that we should stop deploying domestic help to most Middle East and Arab countries (with the exception of UAE) because of the poor record of their nationals in treating our OFWs there. It is right to slap a TOTAL BAN against Iraq, Afghanistan, Lebanon, Egypt and Jordan.

But the same TOTAL BAN on domestic help should be implemented in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait, Qatar.

Just for a measly 200 dollars a month, they put their lives in jeopardy the moment they leave the Philippines for these countries.

I saw one documentary in Al-Jazeera about how many Sri Lankan maids in Lebanon got killed or committed suicide because of abuses of their employers. But they kept coming. And the NGOs and Christian organizations there are complaining about the lack of action from Lebanese government and Sri Lanka's lack of regulation for the protection of its overseas workers.

Why is the Philippine government not putting a TOTAL BAN against the sending of domestic helpers to these countries???

And so, how many more Filipinos need to die senselessly in these countries in the name of OFW remittance and to escape from abject poverty back home?

I hope we do not forget these fallen OFWs on the 2010.

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http://globalnation.inquirer.net/news/news/view/20080414-130370/OFW-vows-to-take-care-of-3-Filipino-kids-orphaned-in-Kuwait

Cheaters

Awhile ago i was watching DSTV, while attempting (or pretending) to cook pork adobo.
By the way, since i can't find the usual adobo mix, i used toyo (soy sauce) and vinegar. then i tried to scrounge for some leftover ingredients that might have been left by another filipino in the house.

I saw a package marked "Clover", so i thot it might be a good ingerident, so i threw in generous amount.

Then i saw round blacks things which i thot to be "paminta", so i took some and threw on my adobo... and then when the pot started to boil, to my horror, it smelled like hell. those black things were indian ingredients and were giving what i suspect as saffron smell. shit. the kitchen smelled like a burnt prayer stick... well, whatever those things are, it's already cooking. i'm bound to eat my mistake... ugghhh..

Since it's adobo, i decided to watch TV to while away the time. I tuned to the Zone Reality channel. i like the channel because it has no commercial break, believe you me. I first saw the program "medical detectives". it's about use of medical forensic to investigate crime.
then came the next program, titled, Cheaters..

Yes, that's correct. Cheaters.

It's about investigating cheating spouses, or partners or lovers (GF/BF). You know, there is this group called Cheaters Investigations. And they handle surveillance against a suspected erring spouse or lover using sophisticated surveillance equipment third only to the CIA and FBI.
The host, a Mr. Greeco (i forgot his first name, but no, his last name is really Greeco, not Roman. geez), interviews "the complainant" and the reason why they sent e-mail to our C.I. to investigate if his/her spouse/lover is doing "other" things.

The first "client" was a 22 year old Latina, pregnant at 8 mos. and married her 27 year old BF. After they live together, the partner suddenly lost interest in her and oftentimes stayed out late, even on weekends. since she is going to give birth pretty soon, she wants to know what it is his cold husband is busy doing that he can't spend anymore time with her.

So surveillance started and before long, the guy was seen meeting with a chubby lady and dating her every night and staying at the lady's apartment. on one of the surveillance, while the husband was with the paramour, the wife called to ask where he is. Husband said he is on his job and kinda busy right now. The call was recorded.

After a week, Mr. Greeco met with the wife and showed her videos of surveillance. He then asked the wife if she would like a confrontation so that she and her husband would come into terms. But considering her advance pregnancy, Mr. Grecco reminded her it might complicate her situation. But the young wife said she's going to do it. Tee-deng!

So they waited at the parking lot while her husband and the other lady were having dinner. then, as the two lovers get into the guy's car, the wife came over and --- scandal on the parking light. cuss words, wife slap husband. husband don't what to speak. other girl shouting to the wife (what the f***) -- at least 4 cameras and lights focusing on the couple and on the fleeing paramour (protesting her innocence, that guy said he is single). cameras chasing the other girl and another camera on the spouses. Mr. Greeco and his bodyguards made it sure the husband can't do any physical harm to his young wife.

The twist is that, the young wife, broke her water bag (ikaw ba naman buntis ma tension like that) and proceeded to labor pains. CI crew and Mr. Greeco helped her into the CI van and they called 911. she was moaning saying that the baby is coming out... soon, 911 came right in time and she promptly delivered a baby boy, right inside the van. wow... how real can that be..
well, to make the long story short, the husband apologized to her and on TV about his misdeeds.

And young wife, crying, forgave him. Happy ending...

Reminds me of The Buzz.. hahahaha...