Dugang Jokes

Niay dugang pakatawa gikan ni bai Marcio.
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Security: Excuse me po Lola, titingnan ko lang ang bag nyo kung may BARIL.
Matanda: Buang ka! …dili man gani maigo ang BALDI sa akong bag.. BARIL pa kaha?

Anak: Itay, ano po ba ang pagkakaiba ng COMPLETE at FINISHED?
Itay: Anak, kapag tama ang mapangasawa mo, then you're COMPLETE. Kapag mali naman, FINISHED ka na! Ha ha ha!

Anak: Tay, unsa man nang misa de gallo?
Tatay: Ah, kana gung mosayo kag mata, unya adto dayon sa simbahan aron matulog.. :'(

Juan: Kulang pliti nato, singko ra ni.
Pedro: Libat bitaw ng driver, mo dyis lagi na!
Juan: Pliti nong!
Driver: Oops kuwang ni!
Juan: Dyis baya na nong!
Driver: Upat baya mo!

Pahibalo: Ayaw mo ug tuo dayon sa mga text messages. Just keep track of the events in official news. Dili tinuod nga artista na ko. Ga hunahuna pa ko.

Buloy: Toy, unsa may diperencia sa CO2 ug H2O?
Bitoy: Sus Ginoo! Diin man diay ka pagtudlo ana nato sa high school? Kanang CO2 cold water, ang H2O hot water. BOGO!

Waiter: Unsay order nimo, Ma'am?
Ma'am: Fried chicken meal. Ikaw inday, unsay imo?
Maid: Sautéed pork boiled in thick essence of cane extracts with copious amounts of garlic, sprinkled generously with fine spices and served with a generous helping of root crops and a helping of rice.
Ma'am: Dong, adobo with rice na iya.

Pare # 1: Bakit ang layo ng tingin mo? Anong problema?
Pare # 2: Nanaginip ako na napaligiran ako nga 50 ka contestants ng Miss Universe 2008!!
Pare # 1: Swerte mo pare, ano ang problema doon?
Pare # 2: Ako daw ang nanalo!!!

If you love someone, set him free. If he comes back, nakalimutan mo siyang bigyan ng pamasahe. If he doesn't, sundan mo, wala yung pamasahe pabalik!!

Melanisms of Ms. Melanie Marquez:

1. I won't stoop down to my level.
2. Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You're so questionable!
3. Sumasakit ang migraine ko.
4. I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival.
5. Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay.
6. That's why I'm a success. I don't middle in other people's lives.
7. Englishin ko na. And to you Mrs. Dee, I have 2 words…ang labo mo!!!
8. You can fool me once, twice, even thrice but you can never me fool me four!


ISKO: Gubot kaayo akong kinabuhi.
PAENG: Ngano man?
ISKO: Tan-awa ra gud.. Naminyo ko sa byuda nga may anak dalaga. Gipakaslan pud ni tatay ang anak. Nanay na nuon nako ang dalaga, ug si tatay akong anak. Ang asawa nako, ugangan ni tatay, kung manganak sila, lolo ko sa akong igsoon. Waaahh!!! Gubota!!!

TO ALL FOLKS WHO WERE BORN IN THE 1950's, 60' s, 70's and early 80's !!

Well, here is another e-mail from Bisdak (bisayang dako) friends... Assuming you are not bothered by your lineage, maybe you can relate on this.

I am not putting any English translation on the Cebuano words. Just ask your bisdak friends for translation.
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First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer (Cerveza Negra) while they carried us.

While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate Linunod, balikutsa, bukhayo and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints (ang uban kay duyan nga habol gihigtan ug pisi nga inigtabyog ug kusog ma pakong intawon ta sa bongbong. )

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang sa General Milling nga naa'y faded picture nga nag-salute), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads, wala pa gyu'y break ang bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (Bisaya Bus nga pultahan puros ang kilid, Corominas Bus nga senimana ang brake), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (karon kay Minibus na nga nindot kaayo ug sounds or Ceres Bus nga bugnaw ug aircon)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (karon, ang mga bata wala na kaila ug Kabaw)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT bottled mineral water sa Nature Spring or Viva, or Absolute Mineral water (usahay gani, straight from the faucet or poso or Tabay!)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, bahaw nga gibutangan ug asin ug mantika sa baboy, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (dili diet coke or Pepsi Max), but we weren't sick or overweight kay......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Syatong, Bato-Lata, Bagol, Dakop-Dakop, Tago-Tago, Ngita'g Kaka.

No one was able to reach us all day (wala pa'y uso ang cellphone). And yes, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (katong bearing ang ligid) or Karitong Kawayan nga karaang tsinilas ang giporma nga ligid and then ride down the street, wala ma'y gidungog nga naligsan atoh! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters. ........ ... WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words.. sakit bai ? pero kung kontra gani nimo ang imong kadula, singgitan lang dayon ug.. Mayra, Gabaan!

We played marbles (jolen) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate Pan Bahug-bahug & Bagumbayan (recycled bread man diay to kay wala mahalin!) We were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns (giporma nga kahoy, gihigtan ug garter ug lastiko) , saplong , tirador ug uban pa nga pwedeng magkasakitay. Pero lingaw gihapon kaayo ang tanan.

We made up games with sticks (syatong ), and cans (Bato-Lata) and although we were told they were dangerous, wala man gyud to'y actual nga nabuta bah, bukol lang nuon sa agtang naa.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or batoon ug gagmay nga bato ang bungbong, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala pa nang mga childhood depression ug damaged self esteem ek-ek ra na. Ang maglagot, pildi.

Ang mga Ginikanan naa ra sa daplin para motan-aw ra sa duwa sa mga bata, dili para manghilabot ug makig-away sa ubang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.
You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!

Mga Batang Basurero

This story came across my e-mail. Normally, whenever the title says something like 'read this' or 'this is interesting', I would immediately delete it from my inbox without opening it.

But since this came from my schoolmate, Jeanette who's now in Thailand, i decided to give it a peek..

Hmm, ok, so this is somebody's first-person account, but like Jeanette, i was also moved by the story and so allow me to post this one for all Bisaya to read and ponder....

Akong gibutangan ug translation ang mga bisaya conversation para kasabot sad mga dili bisaya.


-mlf
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(Author Unknown)

Ever since it was diagnosed that I am having a possible heart enlargement in the last APE, I have exerted more effort to do physical exercises. I do jogging during week days and do long-ride mountain biking every Sunday.

But this Sunday is a special Sunday to me. While I was on my way to the mountains of Busay hoping to strengtened my heart by this exercise, instead, I personally encountered a heart-breaking scene that changed me.

I already passed the Marco Polo Plaza ( formerly Cebu Plaza Hotel) when I decided to stop to buy bananas at a small carenderia located along the road. I haven't taken any solid food that morning so I need fruits to have the needed energy to get to my destination -the mountain top. I was almost done eating with the second banana when I noticed two children across the street busily searching the garbage area.

"Basureros" (garbage urchins) I said to myselt and quickly turn my attention away from them to sip a small amount of water. I cared less for these kind of children actually; to make it straight, I do not like them, and I do not trust them evenmore. You see, several times I have been a victim to these kind of children who are pretending to be basureros looking for empty bottles and cans when in fact the 'plangganas' (basins), 'kalderos' (pots), and 'hinayhays' (hanging laundry) are their favorites.

I remember one afternoon while I was watching a Mike Tyson fight when I noticed that the TV screen suddenly became blurred. I checked outside and saw two young basureros running away with my newly installed antenna.

Hatred may be a little bit stronger word to describe my feeling towards these basureros, but I do not like them honestly ? not till I met these three children.

I was about to embark on my bike again when I heard one of the two children, a girl of about 7 or 8 of age saying aloud to the other, a 12-yr old boy , " kuya, si dodong kuha-a kay nag-sige'g tan-aw sa mga nagkaon, mauwaw ta" (Big brother, please get Dodong away from the diners' window, it's embarassing them), only then that I noticed a small boy standing near to me biting slightly his finger. He's a few inches shorter if compared to my 5 years old son ( but I knew later that he's also 5 yrs. Old). Though he did not asked for food to anyone in the carenderia, the way he looked at the customers who were eating, enough to convinced me that he intensely craving for it. The older boy then quickly crossed the street and gently pulled out the little one who politely obeyed. As I watched the two crossing back the street to the garbage area, I heard the tindera saying " Lo-oy kaayo nang mga bataa uy, mga buotan ra ba na". (I pity them. They are good kids)

I learned further from the carenderia owner that the children are from a good family , both parents were working before , and that their father got a stroke 3 years ago and became partially paralized and their mother died of heart attack while their father was still confined at the hospital.

The parents were still in their early forties when the catastrophe happened , and the children became basureros since then to meet their daily needs and for their father's medication.

Deeply moved by what I heard, I went to a nearby bakery and bought 20 pesos worth of bread and gave it to the children who initially refused including the little boy. " Sige lang noy, salamat na lang, magpalit lang nya mi kung mahalinan na mi" (It's ok sir, thanks. we will buy later when we sell something) the young girl said to me. I explained that they need to go home because it started to rain . "Naanad na man mi ani " (we are used to this) the girl answered again.

Again, I explained that the rain can make them sick and if they'll become sick there's no one to take care of their father. Upon mentioning their father, they nodded and acccept the bread but I noticed that the older boy did not ate.

When I asked him if he does not like the kind of bread I bought for them he smiled but as he's about to explain, the little girl, who is the more talker of them interrupted, " Domingo man gud ron ,noy, basta Sabado ug Domingo hapon ra siya mokaon kami ra ang mokaon ug pamahaw pero dili na pod mi mokaon inig hapon, si kuya ra. Pero basta Lunes ngadto sa Biyernes, kay klase man , si kuya ra sad ang seguro-on ug papamahaw, kami hapon na sad mi moka-on " Pero kung daghan mi ug halin mokaon mi tanan." she continued.
(Today is Sunday, sir. During Saturday and Sunday, my older brother will eat in the afternoon only and we will be the ones eating breakfast, and in the afternoon, we will not eat, because it is his turn. But from Monday to Friday, we make sure our elder brother gets to eat breakfast because he needs to go to school. The rest of us will eat in the afternoon. But if we have enough money, we can eat together.) .

"Ngano man diay ug mokaon mong tanan, bahinon ninyo bisan ug unsa ka gamay?" I countered.
(So why not just share the food and eat together?)

The young girl reasoned out that their father wanted that her older brother to come to school with full stomachs so he can easily catch up the teacher's lessons. "Inig ka trabaho ni kuya mo undang na man mi ug pamasura , first honor baya na siya. " the little boy added proudly.
(When our elder brother (finish school and) gets a job, we can stop collecting garbage. He is first honor in his class.)

Maybe I was caught by surprise or I am just overly emotional that my tears started to fall. I then quickly turned my back from them to hide my tears and pretended to pick up my bike from the carenderia where I left it.

I don't know how many seconds or minutes I spent just to compose myself; pretending again this time that I was mending by bike.

Finally I get on to my bike and approached the three children to bid goobye to them who in turn cast their grateful smiles at me. I then took a good look at all of them specially to the small boy and pat his head with a pinch in my heart. Though I believe that their positive look at life can easily change their present situation, there is one thing that they can never change; that is , their being motherless. That little boy can no longer taste the sweet embrace, care, and most of al , the love of his mother forever.

Nobody can refill the empty gap created by that sudden and untimely death of their mother. Every big events that will happen to their lives will only remind them and make them wish of their mother's presence.

I reached to my pocket and handed to them my last 100 peso bill which I reserved for our department's bowling tournament. This time they refused strongly but I jokingly said to the girl "sumbagon teka ron kung di nimo dawaton" (accept this money or i will punch you). She smiled as she extended her hand to take the money.

"Salamat, 'noy. makapalit gyud me ron ug tambal ni papa " (Thank you, sir. Now we can buy papa's medicine), she uttered. I then turned to the small boy and though he's a few feet away from me, I still noticed that while his right hand was holding the half - filled sack, his left hand was holding a toy ? a worn out toy car. I waved my hands and said bye bye to him as I drove towards the mountains again. Did he just found the toy in the garbage area ? or the toy was originally his - when the misfortune did not took place yet? -I did not bother to ask. But one thing is crystal clear to me ? that inspite of the boy's abnormal life, he did not given up his childhood completely. I can sense it that way he hold and stare at his toy.

My meeting with that young basureros made me poorer by 100 pesos. But they changed me and made me more richer as to lessons of life are concerned.

In them, I learned that life can changed suddenly and may caught me flat footed. In them, I've learned that even the darkest side of life, cannot change the beauty of one's heart. Those three children, who sometimes cannot eat three times a day, still able to hold on to what they believe was right.

And what a contrast to most of us who are quick to point out to our misfortunes when caught with our mistakes. In them, I've learned to hope for things when things seem to go the other way.

Lastly, I know that God cares for them far more than I do. That though He allowed them to experience such a terrible life which our finite minds cannot comprehend, His unquestionable love will surely follow them through.

And in God's own time they will win.

(Author unknown)
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Mga Bisaya nga Jokes

Mga binisaya nga jokes akong napunitan sa Internet. Wa baya ko nanngangkon ani ha. Para ni sa tanan.

katawa sad diha.
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Sa Pare

Bisaya1: nindonta sa awto, siguro sa mayor na.
Bisaya2: dili bay sa hepe siguro na.
Bisaya3: tonto jud mo! kang father na, tan-awa gisulat na gani sa likod o! SAFARI!!!
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Apelyido . . .

Pari: Unsa gani imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Imo baya nang hagkan kada adlaw father.
Pari: Ha! bisong imong apelyido sister?
Madre: Sus maryosep! Cruz father oy..
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Pilay anak

Nurse: pila imo anak nang?
Patient: 15 kabuok mam.
Nurse: sus, ginoo daghana gud! wa ka mogamit ug pills, condom ug uban pa jud?
Patient: krus my heart, wa koy lain gigamit Oh ten ra jud!…
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PANGIT

Eloy: Pre, sa imong banabana, guwapo ba ko?
Andoy: Pangit ka ug nawong, Pre.
Eloy: Pagtarong diha, Pre, ha! Unsa’y pangit?!
Andoy: Imong nawong, pangitaon kaayo ba!!!
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AMERIKANA

Juan: Bay Pedro, pananglitan kung ikaw ug usa ka amerikana nasaag sa lasang. Unya diha’y mga igorot nga nagukod ninyo. Sa daplin sa sapa, nakakita ka ug sakayan. Pero, usa ra ka pasahero ang masulod aning sakayana..

Unsa ma’y buhaton nimo?

Pedro: Aw, biyaan na lang nakong amerikana, Bay. Bahala na’g unsa kagwapa nang Amerikanaha na. Luwason nako akong kaugalingon. Ikaw, Bay unsa may buhaton nimo?

Juan: Bugo ka man diay, Bay. Akong isul-ob ang amerikana una ko mosakay sa sakayan.
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LAYO ANG MANILA

Bata: Tay, hai may mas layo?ang buwan o ang Manila?
Amahan: Layo ang Manila, Dong.
Bata: Layo ang buwan, Tay, uy.
Amahan: Kung layo pa ang buwan, nganong makakita ka man sa buwan? Unya kita ka sa Manila?
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WALAY SALA

Inahan: Mangumpisal ta rong Dominggo ha aron pasayloon ta sa Ginoo sa atong mga sala.

Anak: Nay, unsa may buot ipasabot anang bata nga makasala.

Inahan: Panaglitan, kung ang bata dili motahod sa ginikanan, mao na’y bata nga makasala.

Anak: Wala ko’y sala, Nay, kay nitahod man ko sa sugo ni Tatay sa pagpangawat og manok sa atong silingan.
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BAYOT

Amahan: Wala ka’y uwaw nga pagka-anak. Nakit-an ka sa atong silingan nga nisulod ug gay bar. Bayot ka! Bayot

ka! Imong gipakaulawan ang atong pamilya. Maayo pa’y molayas ka aron dili ako makonsomisyon nga ako duna’y anak nga bayot!

Anak: Saba diha, Tay, uy. Mora sag dili ka bayot!!!
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Muslim: Palit naka mo sa perfume nga snow white and seven dwarfs, humot kaayo.
Kustomer: Pre! baho man lagi ning usa ka garapa,
Muslim: Ooooy! namatay man god ang usa ka dwarf.

Muslim: Palit na kamo sa sing-sing nga pure gold, bisan pag itunlob sa suka dili gyod molobad.
Kustomer: Ha ba diha ka pre, ming lubad man lagi ning sing-sing human ug tunlog sa suka.
Muslim: Tungod kay dili man god pure ang suka.
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Insik, Kano ug Pinoy

Intsik - “sa amo sa Tsina, usa ka sakong harina isulod sa dakong pugon, pagula dagkong pan ug kuwarta na”

Amerikano - “sa amo sa Amerika, usa ka dakong baka isulod sa dakong makinarya, pagula ang bukog butones na, ug ang unod de lata na”

Pinoy - “sa amo sa Pinas, pagsulod soreso, pagula tawo”
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Barberong Pinoy

Usa ka barberong Pinoy nga bag-ong salta sa Amireyka dili pa kaayo maka mao nga mo-iningles. Human niyag alot sa kustomer nga nakatulog, nakalimot siya unsa-on sa pagingon ang nahuman na. Sa kalit nakahinumdom siya nga kon mahuman ang sine, sa katapusan sa pelilkula duna’y “The End”. Samtang nagba-id siya sa labaha iyang gipukaw ang Kanu ug miingon, “Joe, this is your the end.”
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Pinoy Paks Masin

Pinoy sakay sa eroplano para mag tour sa Europe may kaabay siya nga duha ka Asian, Hapon ug Insik. Sa ilang biyahe nagkaila silang tulo, naghisgot sila sa mga bag-ong teknolohiya nga gikan sa ilang nasod.

Matod pas Japon - “kining akong ball pen camera ni”,

Ingon sab ang Insik - “kini sab ako sing-sing alarm watch ni,

Sus, kay ang Pinoy na-atol man sab nga nagda-ut iyang tiyan ug nangutot ug may turbo sound pa gyod

[purrrrorrrrrot].

Nakurat Japon ug Insik ug nagdungan pag-ingon - “unsa man ron?”
Tubag pas Pinoy - “mao toy bag-ong teknolohiya nga bag-ong produkto sa Pilipinas ang paks masin na-a sa sulod sa human body.”
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Kinsay Da Bes Nga Mabana!

Upat ka dalagang Pinay nurses naghinambugay kon kinsay ilang pamanhon.
Nurse 1: Ako ang akong gustong mabana ENGINEER.
Nurse 2: Nganong ENGINEER man?
Nurse 1: Tungod kay ang ENGINEER, sige lang erect ug erect!
Nurse 2: Bitaw no!…. Ako ang akong gusto ACCOUNTANT.
Nurse 3: Nganong ACCOUNTANT man?
Nurse 2: Tungod kay ang ACCOUNTANT, sige lang enter ug enter!
Nurse 3: Mau ba?… Ako ang akong gusto nga mabana DOKTOR gyod.
Nurse 4: Ngano man bi, nga DOKTOR man gyod?
Nurse 3: Tungod kay ang DOKTOR, sige lang inject ug inject!
Nurse 4: Wow, puro man big shot ang inyong gusto. Ako, simple lang.
Nurse 1: Oh kinsa may imong pamanahon bi?
Nurse 4: Gusto kog kanang pure nga BISAYA.
Nurse 2: Ngano man?
Nurse 4: Tungod kay ang BISAYA, gahi ug DILA!
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Si Juan nag ampo nga taga-an og senina ni Hesus !! Sige siya og ampo nga tagaan sya og senina ni jesus. Way lain niyang ampo nga tagaan ra gyud sya og senina ni jesus.
Sa ikatolo ka adlaw nag ampo sa sad siya !!

Mitobag si jesus, "saba diha, juan. Nag tapis ra gani ko, mangayo ka na hinuon og senina".

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Asawa 1 - akong bana Engineer, sus makalagot sigi lang erect ug erect.
Asawa 2 - akong bana Doctor, maglagot pod ko kay sigi lang inject ug inject.
Asawa 3 - akong bana Attorney, sus makalagot jud sa tanan kay sigi lang postpone ug postpone.

bana: gang, naka-save ko ug 6.00 karon kay ako na man gigukod ang jeep, wala man ko mu sakay
asawa: bogo! taxi unta imung gigukod aron mas dako imong na-save

Doc: Ma'am, naa kay breast cancer.
Ma'am: ha? tinuod ka doc? dili man ko katuo sa imong gisulti! i'm healthy! naa pa ka second opinion?
Doc: Bati pa jud kag nawong!

ATTY: asa ka pagkahitabo sa rape?
JUN: sa kamaisan
ATTY: nag-unsa ka didto?
JUN: nalibang!
ATTY: pila ka kadupa gikan sa krimen?
JUN: naa bay malibang magdupa-dupa?…. Ayaw pagbugal-bugal 'torni uy!

babae: nong! sakay ko!
driver: cge! asa man ka?
babae: diha lang sa kanto! naay bayad ang bata?
driver: ay libre lang kay duol man.
babae: ah, ang mosabak naay bayad?
driver: wala gihapon!
babae: cge nak! sabaka ko...

BF: ga, naa koy dago nga problema.
GF: ga, ayaw pag sulti ana oi. Ayaw ingna nga problema lang NIMO. Ingna nga problema NATO kay nag hinigugmaay man ta. Dawbi, unsa man ATONG problema?
BF: namabdosan NATO si inday ug KITA ang amahan..

Customer: Day, kape.
Tindera: Tag P10 na ra ba.
Customer: Diba tag P8 ra na?
Tindera: Nimahal naman gud ang gasolina.
Customer: Ah, ayaw na lang butangig gasolina!

AMO: inday gipatotoy na nimo ang bata?
Maid: Yes mam! gipatotoy na.
Amo: Ang sir nimo ningkaon na?
Maid: Naah! mam, dili man mukaon si sir, gipatotoy na lng pud nako.

BISAYA: Pabili nga ng lemoncito.
TINDERA: Anong lemoncito?
BISAYA: Lemoncito gud.. yong maliit na buongon!
--
TEACHER: give me a tag question.
PUPIL: My teacher is beautiful, isn't she?
TEACHER: Very good! Ibinisaya dong.
PUPIL: Ang akong maestra gwapa, wa sya kuyapi?
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Maestra: Kinsa ninyo ang gusto moadto sa langit? (Miisa sa kamot ang tanan gawas ni Pedro.)
Maestra: Pedro, di diay ka ganahan moadto sa langit?
Pedro: Pasayohon man god kog uli ni Nanay, Ma’am!
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Maestra: Palihog barog kadtong mga bugo.
(Human sa usa ka minutos, mibarog si Juan.)
Maestra: Juan, midawat diay ka nga bugo ka?
Juan: Aw, gikuyogan ta lang ka Ma’am. Ikaw ra man gong usa ang gabarog.
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Bungi: Sir, moaplay ko pagkasundalo.
Officer: Di ka puyde kay daghan kang ngipon nga nangapangag na.
Bungi: Ngano diay Sir, pinaakay na diay ang gubat ron?
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Way labotay ug mama

Pari ug sakristan naghinambogay…

Sakristan: Unsa man, Dre… Abtik man gyod kaha ka sa tsiks, padaghanay ta. Inigsulod sa tsiks, motakla ta kon atong naiy***n.
Pari: Sige.

May misulod nga babaye. Mitakla ang sakristan, mitakla pod ang pari. Unya may lain na pod, mitakla ang pari,

mitakla pod ang sakristan. May hamtong nga babaye nga misulod. Mitakla ang pari, apan wa ka katakla ang sakristan.
Sakristan: Aaaa, way labotay ug mama Dre!
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Mibagting hinuon ang tanan
Problema sa seminaryo ang balita nga dunay usa sa ilang mga seminarista ang nangabang og burikat sa Junquera.

Maong mihimog imbestigasyon ang kadagkoan. Ilang gisab-itan og kampanang gamay ang tintin sa matag parionon.

Dayon ilang gipasayaw-sayaw sa atubangan ang usa ka burikat nga naghubo.

May mibagting. Ila dayong gidakop ang maong parionon ug gipaadto sa atubangan. Aron kini maleksiyon, ilang gipahubo.

Mibagting ang tanan!
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Kandila

Usa ka madre nagpatsek-ap sa klinika. Pero nasayop ang laboratoryo kay nailisan ang iyang ihi sa specimen sa babaye nga mabdos.
Doctor: Sister, ang resulta sa imong test miingon nga mabdos ka.
Madre: Doctor, makamabdos diay nang kandila?
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Eksersays sa mga madre

Matag buntag mag-eksersays ang mga madre libot sa ilang compound. Ang paagi sa ilang pag-eksersays mao ang pagbisikleta. Apan kay lagi mga madre, ginadili alang kanila ang pagsaba.

Usa ka adlaw, nag-eksersays na sab ang mga madre kuyog ang ilang superyora. Nagbisikleta silang tanan. Pag-agi nila sa usa ka gamayng hump sa dalan, naniyagit ang mga madre, “Aaaaayyyyy!!!” ug nang-agik-ik. Napungot ang ilang madre superyora kay ginadili alang sa mga madre ang pagsaba-saba. Mibadlong siya, “Mga sisters, palihog ayaw kamo pagsaba kay makawala kana sa dignidad sa atong pagkamadre!” Ug nanghilom ang mga madre.

Nagpadayon silag tindak sa ilang mga bisikleta. Sa unahan, nakaagi na sab silag hump. Ang maong hump mas dako-dako kay sa ilang naagian ganina. Pag-agi nila sa hump naniyagit na sab ang mga madre, “Aaaaayyyy!!!” ug nang-agik-ik. Gipaningot silang tanan. Napungot na sab ang ilang madre superyora ug mibadlong, “Mga sisters, palihog intawon ayaw kamo pagsiyagit-siyagit kay mga madre kita! Abi pa lang unya mga mahilayon kitang mga madre!” Ug nanghilom ang mga madre.

Padayon gihapon ang mga madre sa ilang pag-eksersays. Pag-abot sa unahan, dihay dako gyod kaayo nga hump. Nakabantay ang madre superyora sa dako nga hump ug nahadlok nga basin maniyagit na sab ang iyang mga kaubang madre.

Busa, mibadlong siya daan sa iyang mga kauban, “Mga sisters, adunay dako kaayong hump sa unahan. Kon inig agi nato nianang hump maniyagit pa gani mo, ako na gyod nang pabutangan og lingkoranan ang inyong mga bisikleta.”

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Kahibawo na ka?

Samtang naglakaw si Canuto sa Colon kuyog sa iyang pangasaw-onon, sa wa lang damha nakit-an siya sa iyang karaang uyab. Milingiw unta siya apan…

Bidat: Uy, Canuts, mosta?

Canuto: (Molikay unta apan, nahawiran sa iyang ex-gf). Awww, kuan diay ila-ila mo. Si Biday, akong pangasaw-onon.

Bidat: Pangasaw-onon? Unya kahibawo na siya… Nga adtong otso anyos na-diagnose ka nga dunay allergic rhinitis, gani miburot ang imong sip-on atubangan sa akong Papa… Nga human nato og gradwar sa hayskul na-diagnose ka nga duna kay overactive bladder, gani nakaihi ka atubangan sa atong silingang doktor. Nga sa dihang nagtrabaho na ka, na-diagnose na pod ka nga asthmatic, gani gitabang man ka kay naglisod ka og ginhawa atubangan sa inyong company surgeon. Nga duha ka semana human ta magsabot nga magminyo na ta, na-diagnose na pod ka nga hypertensive ka, gani mi-collapse ka man sa dihang mibisita ta sa klinika.

Biday: (Misagbat kay wa na makaantos) Kahibawo na man ko ana tanan, mao nga mas nagkinahanglan siya sa akong pag-atiman ug mas pa nako siyang gihigugma.

Bidat: Aw, mao ba? Pero kahibawo ka ba nga niadto tanang panahona, kon di pa lang unta siya talawan, natuli na unta siya?

Biday: (Misinta ang tingog) Ay nganong wa man ka magpahibawo nako pisota ka!